If you've known me for more than a few days, you'll know that I'm a worrier. I think a minor back ache is my body telling me I have cancer of the spine; a little nausea is fatal food poisoning. I'm somewhat ridiculous, just ask Cody and my mom.
This week I turn 25. To be honest, I still feel like a Sophomore in college, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I remember looking at "25 year olds" when I was in Middle and High School and thinking, "Wow, that's old!" I guess the good part is that I surely don't look the part. Most of the time I AM confused for a college Sophomore, so it works! But, during this quarter-century turning week, I've gotten sick. It's been a bummer. But, I always know that God has goodness in ALL things! It has given me a chance to sit, BE STILL and think! Ponder what God wants from me, how He wants me to change and how I can make the next 25 years more about HIM and less about me. Because I am selfish. OH BOY, I am so selfish. Probably number one reason I don't want kids right away too, is because I recognize my selfishness. But, God accepts my selfishness and asks me to come and change--let HIM change me. It's never easy, and I'm so reluctant, silly me, but I know it is best.
This week I've realized that my anxiety and if we're calling it like it is, my "lack of trust in God", is because I'm selfish. I refuse to want to think of God's plan before my own comfort. I'm sitting here on the couch, with Bronchitis and realizing that even when I'm sick, even if I had cancer, even if I had a disability, even if I was dying tomorrow--God still wants to use me. I just need to put myself on hold for a moment and look past my fears and anxiety to see a God, a Father, who loves me and wants THE BEST for me.
I've been reading in Matthew and I've read a passage today that i've read hundreds of times, even so much to say it's one of my favorite passages and today it struck me again.
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither told nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. " ~ Matthew 6:25-29
I know this is such a simple truth and maybe everyone has this underwraps, but for me, I needed this. I needed this reminder, straight from the lips of Christ himself to say, "LaRae, don't be anxious, trust me! Trust that I will provide, that I will take care of you, Trust me!" But, just look at that lily, so gorgeous--if He took care of them, He'll be taking care of me. I know i'll continue to struggle with my anxiety, but I know I have a promise to cling to when it starts to creep up again and that's an amazing peace to have.
Love ya'll and praying for you,